Hawthorn Presbyterian Church

What Sort of Family Do You Live For?

[first published in the monthly congregational Notes, for September, 2018.]

It is surprising, but still encouraging, that in this age of apparent gender confusion we still had Fathers’ Day as a special event this year. Perhaps it is only a matter of time before it is re-named “Partners’ Day” or “Special Person’s Day” or some such neutral term. We are told that this will enable those without fathers to be included and there have been calls to remove or re-name Mothers’ Day for similar reasons. As everyone knows, the plain truth is that no-one exists without either a mother or a father, so the call to re-name or remove these days is really about the nature of family and whether people are free to define family in their own way, without even the constraints found in the natural world. Someone will say, “We overcome the constraints of nature every time we take an aeroplane or turn on a light at night or a heater in winter.” But unless someone wishes to deny a special uniqueness to humankind (and those who believe in evolution ultimately have no reason to assume humans are special) there is a vast difference between overcoming the physical world and altering the design of some-thing which is so fundamental to ordered human existence: the family.

Families are basic to any stable society because they define secure relationships. They sanction some behaviours and rightly proscribe others, and they train their members to uphold these freedoms and limits for the good of others and the future, not just for “personal fulfilment.” (Which in its modern expression is often an excuse for selfish-ness.) This is the deep truth which underlies the 5th Commandment with its promise, “Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exod 20:12). It’s also why the Devil hates families!

It is all the more important, then, that Christians resolve to build strong families and because this will often mean living in opposition to the world’s values, we should take careful note whenever the Bible gives us instruction. The two Psalms 127 & 128 do just that, where godly family relationships provide the proper context for work and its blessings, marriage, the blessedness of children, stability in the home and real hope for stability in the state for generations. Strong families build strong character, and strong national character is usually the fruit of more than one lifetime.

The imagery is rich and not too hard for us to grasp even though the language may be ancient. A man labours, sometimes painfully but so that he and his family may have sufficient around the table and to enjoy before God. Work that becomes an end in itself and takes away from family life is never truly fulfilling (127:2 & 128:2). In marriage, a wife builds together with her husband with her normal first focus as flourishing and facilitating the home (128:3a), and if for some reason this cannot be the case, it will surely require special prayer and wisdom. Children are not a nuisance or an interruption but a blessing and stewardship for a godly future. They therefore ought to be prayerfully sought and not selfishly delayed, and parents will give an account to God for how they were trained. Do they know how to fly “straight and true” like a good arrow and hold the faith in discussions? Do they themselves hope to build good families as a means of blessing to the whole nation(127:3-5; 128:3,6)?

It is true that in a fallen world, both our natural sinfulness and our social structures will make it hard to pursue godliness in family life but we should not give in to the values of the age; that will pass away! So if as Gospel people we understand that we live for eternity, we will not see godliness as a cost but an investment in our grand-children’s future and beyond. Peace be upon the “Israel of God!” (128:6 & Gal 6:16).

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